My Timing vs God's Timing

I'm not going to pretend and I'm not going to lie... 

Waiting without news on our little guy is just straight up HARD!

I am S.T.RUGGLIN'!

He was supposed to be home to enjoy the summer with our family.

He was supposed to experience so many summer "firsts" alongside Xavier.

We were supposed to have time together as a family before Addison started Kindergarten.

The list goes on and on in my mind...

But this list is my time frame - it's what Kristen thinks is best.

God's got a different time frame in mind and it's the most absolutely perfect plan.

I don't know what it is and there are days that I don't like it.

But I know in my head (and often remind my heart) that it's His perfect plan.

God's got this! 

 This isn't too big for Him - He can move mountains.  

Yes, the embassy investigation often feels like a mountain to me, but it's nothing to God.

I'm often reminded that God's using this time to mold us, shape us, 

teach us and prepare us for what He has in store for us.  

I will admit, I'm not always the best student - 

I think I probably whine some a lot.

2 things I do know:

1.  If the adoption process had kept moving so quickly and Zaine would have come home in April like expected, I wouldn't have learned nearly as much as God wanted me to glean through this process.  I've learned raw reliance on Him through this process - I have ZERO control of anything.  I have a child on the other side of the world and I see pictures of him every few months.  That's it - I don't know anything about him.  I have to fully depend on God to give Zaine an overwhelming peace.  I have to trust that he has food to eat, clothes to wear, hands to hold him and love on him and that he's healthy and not sick.  Hard things to trust God on when he's living in the poorest country in the world.  

I've learned a LOT about hitting my knees in prayer.  If he had come home in April, I wouldn't have learned this whole different level of trusting God and bathing our process, Zaine and other adoptive families in prayer each day.

2.  If Zaine had come home in April, money wouldn't have been such an issue.  Like I've mentioned before, Todd and I definitely didn't have $35,000 sitting around but we had saved, friends and family have given, we've fund raised in small ways and God has provided to make this happen.  Todd works for an air force base and was hit by the furlough recently.  He was off ever Friday (yay for 3 day weekends but boo for not getting paid).  Early on in the process I had mentioned that I felt very blessed that we didn't have to raise all the funds for this adoption but that it was neat to watch God provide for families who had to completely rely on God's provision to get through an international adoption.  Well, my friends... when you take away a percentage of Todd's salary and add more costs to the adoption process (more foster care payments and other fees that get added on) - we learned a different level of trust and reliance on God.  He saw us through that time and thankfully the government is back to work full time.

God's working in us and teaching us lots along this journey.  Sure, we wish Zaine had been in our arms months ago but I wouldn't trade any of this process for what God has been teaching us through it.  God's got a plan and it's His perfect plan to give us a future and a hope!  He's going to keep walking with us through this journey side by side.  The waiting is hard and tears come readily these days (just ask the manager of Old Navy when I had to return some summer clothes we had bought for Zaine in April that now won't fit him) but then I take some quiet time with Lord and am reminded of His grace and faithfulness.  We're growing in Him and that my been a part of my prayer from the beginning of this process.  It's hard and it's painful but I'm closer to my Jesus because of it!

A little Birthday Celebration

We celebrated Zaine's birthday last week.

We do not know his true birthday.

We were able to choose his birthday within the month we were given.

When we received his referral in December, 

I never dreamed he wouldn't be home to celebrate his 1st birthday with us.

Not gonna lie, celebrating his 1st birthday without him here was h.a.r.d.

 I kinda wanted to curl up in a ball and cry but instead I decided we'd party.

I made a big Congolese meal for dinner and my family joined us to celebrate Zaine.

Akara Awon - Black-eyed pea fritters with okra

Mwambe Beef

Plantains

Had to buy some Fanta to drink.

Fufu - this is commonly used to soak up the juices from the plate.  We kinda thought it tasted similar to wall paper paste....

Mimi, my mom, made a lion cake for Zaine. 

We bought some gifts for Zaine:  

The monkey in the far left of the picture is a special gift we bought for him.  There is an organization that supports different causes each week (Sevenly) with each purchase and the week I bought Zaine's monkey was focused on feeding children in Congo.  

The rest of the toys we bought to take with us and donate to his old orphanage.

My parents also missed my brother's birthday when they were adopting him.

They chose to wait until he was home to have a small family party with a special cake and a few presents once they knew what he was going to like.  They have insisted they will have a small party for Zaine when he's home so we can celebrate with him and watch him enjoy his cake and gifts.

We received a special book in the mail from another adoptive momma who completely understands missing your little boys birthday.  Lindsey, this book is so very special and will always be cherished.

Another friend got Zaine this shirt to wear home to his airport celebration.  I was trying to think of something special he could wear when we brought him home but this cuteness far surpassed any ideas I had.  Thanks Beth - can't wait for you to see him in it!

It was a rough day but we got through it.  

Zaine, you're one loved little boy and many friends and 

family made your first birthday very special.  

Oh, and by the way Zaine... you're gonna have one crazy 

2nd bday party to make up for lost 

time!

You'd be amazed at what you can cram into a ziploc baggie!

While the days and months pass as we wait for Zaine, we're SO incredibly thankful for adoptive friends who have taken care packages to Zaine for us when they travel to visit or bring their children home.

Here are the latest two gifts we've sent his way...

Ziploc #1:
laminated pictures of our family, 2 little books, 
sock monkey, toy phone, yogurt melts and 2 outfits

Ziploc #2:
outfit, shoes, toothbrush and toothpaste, toy car, more yogurt melts, 2 little books, 1st Birthday card, a picture with cut-outs of each of us (including him) and his language explaining how we are all a family.  I was also able to include another little gift and thank you note for his foster momma.

***  I cannot upload pictures of Ziploc #2 because his picture was included and we can't share his sweet face publicly until he's on USA soil.

You know you're adopting internationally when...

* You daily check your VISA application status online.

* You don't mind an early alarm clock blaring

because it means you can check your phone for any updates on your case.

* You have conference calls late at night with your agency director.

* You keep reading any and all paperwork you have about your 

child hoping to find something new about them each time.

* Your knees are wearing out from the hours of prayer time spent 

for your child and their friends who are also being adopted. 

* You stalk the mailman like it's your job.

* The guy at the PO knows you as "the crazy lady who runs 

in to mail something like her life depends on it."

* You forget about "real world" Facebook and only live on the adoption fb pages.

* You constantly think "I could adopt 2 more children for that price", etc.

* You live for update weeks when you get new pictures and info about your child.

* You feel like people you've never met become your 

best friends because you're walking this same crazy journey together.

* You are always dreaming about a child that you love so much but you've never met.

 

 

6909.51 miles

...that's the distance between us and our little boy.

And I'm feeling ever mile of that distance today.

Praying we get to meet him and hold him in our arms soon.  

My heart aches so badly that he's not physically with us.  

We're stuck on the USA side of things (like all other Congo families) and have been since April 15 - please pray the USA gets things moving soon and starts issuing visas.

My prayer is to have my boy in our arms by his first birthday which is July 27.  

To be honest, I'm loosing hope of that happening as each day passes.

Prayer warriors - feel free to join us in praying he's in our arms by July 27.

Something to help pass the time

We have a list of things "to-do" to get ready for Zaine and  traveling.

Some of those things aren't real fun but other things are...

One of the things on the list was for Addison and Xavier to make a Build-a-Bear for Zaine.  

Addison made a bear for Xavier when I was pregnant so she could bring it to the hospital after he was born.  She had the same idea for Zaine except she plans to bring it to the airport when we come home.  So off we went to Build-a-Bear to make something special for Zaine!

Addison put her heart and soul into making his bear!

Had to dress him like Spiderman since it matches Zaine's bedroom.

Can't wait for their brother to come home!

 

Zaine's blanket

We received a package in the mail on Saturday that was so very special.

As I opened a large envelope, my mind was trying to 

think what I had ordered that would be the size of this package...  

When I finally got it opened, I saw a beautiful hand made blanket.  

As I read the card, the tears started flowing.  

This is what a portion of the card read...

"I've been joyfully inspired by your family's adoption story.  

I made a prayer blanket for the newest member.  

The knots are made up of prayers for his and your life together as a family." 

And the tears kept flowing...

This arrived in the mail at such the perfect time.  

The waiting gets harder each day.

Some days I distance myself and my mind from the adoption and from Zaine and the fact that he's halfway across the world from us because it doesn't seem real and it's hard.  Real. hard.

This made it seem real.  

This reminded me that in those difficult days when it seems like I'll never have my whole family under one roof, it's real. 

And with prayer and in God's timing we will be together as a family of five.

 Knowing Zaine, our family and this waiting is being covered in prayer by others is such a blessing!  What a beautiful reminder we will have of God's faithfulness through this blanket.

Thank you Chrissi!

 

His room is waiting on him

Getting Zaine's bedroom ready has been a fun project that at least let me feel like I was working towards bringing him home.  It's finished and I couldn't be more thrilled with how it turned out.  We went with the Superhero theme so it would last him a while!  Mimi and Pop Pop were very generous and bought his bunk beds and some bedding.  They did this for each of our kids when they were born so they continued with Zaine.  Here is a little glimpse...

Love the way the buildings turned out - the super fun part is that the yellow lights glow-in-the-dark.

Old comic books were mod-podged onto the letters. 

Even though he's not home yet, we still spend a lot of time in his bedroom.

I'll randomly find Addison laying on his bunk bed...  she tells me she's just hanging out and thinking about Zaine and wishing he were home (no, I definitely never cry when she tells me that).  Most nights I wonder in there on my way to bed and thank God for Zaine and for holding him for me while I can't.  I didn't realize this had become a habit as I checked on Addison and Xavier, pulled their covers up, gave sweet sleeping cheeks last kisses and thanked God for my blessings.  I have three little blessings in my life - I get to tuck two in each night and dream of the day when I get to make a third stop to pull up another set of covers.

Where our adoption journey has taken us thus far...

Lots of families begin their adoption journey because God turned their world upside down.  They realized (through whatever source - the Bible, a sermon, a devotional book, a trip, etc) that God has called us to help orphans and widows and they couldn't keep going in life without following God in obedience on this journey.

This wasn't our family.

We didn't have some crazy moment of realization that we were supposed to adopt. 

I knew I would adopt since the day I stepped foot into an orphanage in Albania when I was 19.  It was part of the package deal when we got married and Todd was completely on board - it was just a matter of when we would start our adoption journey.

But let me tell you... God has been turning our world upside down since we began this journey to bring Zaine home.  He's been teaching us, molding us, growing us and hitting us square between the eyes with truth in His word about how we should be living our lives.
There's something about having no control over a situation that brings you to God (and your knees) more than you ever have been in your life.  My faith has been stretched and I have learned more about God's redemption plan for my life that ever.
 There have been multiple ways God has been growing us - mainly through scripture but He has also used Jen Hatmaker's book Interrupted to shake up my life.

She begins the book by talking about how she was so busy serving people and doing church...  She asked herself the question "Why do I spend all my time blessing blessed people?"  
Hmmmm...  I grew up in a Christian home, went to a Christian school and a Christian college, been in church all my life - I live in a life where I bless the blessed.  
She compares her actions to that of Peter:  devoted but selfish, committed but misguided.
Another hmmm...  that sounds like that could possibly be me.
Jen (yes, I consider us on first name basis now) threw out a quote by Gandhi that I had heard before but thought "wow, good thing that's not me".  Well, this time - I reread and reread the quote trying to figure out how I could still say the same thing...  
Here's the quote:
"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.  
Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."  
Hmmmm again...  this made me think "do my actions and words reflect poorly on my Christ?"
Yikes!
Her book went on to talk about what Jesus said, who He spent time with, who He talked to, who He argued with and how she was content letting Jesus do that messy work Himself and she would just teach from it.  
Matthew 25:40 says "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"


We don't know what God is doing in our lives but He's rocking the boat in our house about how we should be living our lives.  
We're growing in Him and searching for what He wants for our lives.  
Everything we're realizing about our faith means we can't continue living our comfortable life as we have been.  


I mentioned the other day in general to a friend about where our adoption process was and how the waiting is getting so much more difficult... She said "that boy is worth the wait and the myriad of lessons learned along the way - they're just blessings in disguise."  How true this is!!!

Giving

When we started this adoption process, we knew God would provide.

And boy, has He provided!

 What a blessing it has been to watch Him provide the money each step of the way.

We had saved and planned for this adoption but we 

definitely didn't have $30,000 just sitting around. 

A friend told me at the very beginning of our adoption when they handed us a check to put towards our adoption fund... "Kristen, God calls us all to help orphans and widows.  Our family doesn't feel called to adopt right now but we are still called to help and by giving to your adoption, this is a way that we can obey God and help."

WOW!  That has stuck with me through this adoption.  I've had a hard time humbling myself to graciously accept financial help for the adoption.  Todd and I have been so blessed and we're usually on the other side of the giving so it's been rather humbling to be the recipient instead of the giver.  I have reminded myself that many who have given have prayed about giving to our adoption and are obeying God's call to them - there's not much that I can't graciously accept about that!

SO many friends have stepped in and given to help bring Zaine home.  

* We had over 30 families donate stuff to our garage sales.  

If you gave one bag or ten bags - thank you!

* A friend bought me an ergo carrier to use when we travel with Zaine - this was our "congrats he is officially your son" gift from this family.

* A friend gave me a necklace with Zaine's name and Africa on it to wear while we wait to bring him home - she understood what it feels like to not have all your children in your arms.

* We recently received a check from some friends who said they prayed and this was what God led them to give... let me tell you - it was a "wow, God" amount.  We informed this couple that they had just bought themselves 1 day a month of babysitting (1/30th) Zaine (and we'd throw in our other children for free).

* Friends have picked up little things for Zaine's room, bought our lunch at random times, and given in "little" ways that mean so much to us.

* My parents have given and loaned us more than I could explain in a blog post.  They get adoption firsthand and have experienced seeing what adoption can do in a family and a child's life.

* There are friends who text or message me weekly saying that they are praying for Zaine and us as we wait.  They pray for details, very specific details in our case.  

Zaine is so very loved and we as a family feel very supported 

and loved through this adoption as well.

It all reminds me of the verse in Matthew 25:40

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'"

Mother's Day 2013

Mother's Day 2013

Let me start by saying how VERY blessed I am!

My mother is one of my best friends.

She is the most gracious and selfless person I might know.

She is always giving of her time, energy and money to others.

She serves her family like Proverbs 31 talks about.

She gave so much when she (and my Dad) adopted my brother 11 years ago.

She's an amazing example to me of what a mother and wife look like.

She love me.

She accepted Todd into our family before we were even engaged - 

she gained a son the day we got married and loves him.

She loves my children so much and I absolutely love watching her interact with them.

and I get to call her MOM!

--------------------------

"Mommy" is the most fun title I have!

I am SOOOO blessed by the two little kiddos that wrap 

their little arms around me each day with hugs. 

Addison and Xavier make me laugh and smile every day.

Every once in a while they also make me sigh and pull my hair out...  

But it's SO worth it!  

They loved me well on Mother's Day...

They smothered me with hugs and kisses and "I love you's".

They made cards and gifts with their little hands.

I love my little ones so much and feel so blessed to have 

been given the privilege to raise them.

I frequently remind myself that they are not mine - 

they are God's and He's allowing me to raise them for a short while.

What a blessing!

One little blessing was missing this Mother's Day - 

he was half-a-world away in Kinshasa, DRC.

I told myself I was going to focus on my 2 children here and not dwell on who was missing.

Much easier said than done...

I missed Zaine today...

a little piece was missing...

a really cute little boy with big brown eyes wasn't snuggled 

with the rest of my kiddos on the couch...

soon...  Zaine, soon...  I'll be able to hold you.

---------------------------------

This day also made me ponder and think about all the children who will never get to celebrate Mother's Day because they don't have a Mommy to love them.  That's a tough pill for me to swallow and makes me want to jump in line to be a Mommy to all of them.

---------------------------------

This day also made me think about Zaine's birth mother.

We don't know the circumstances but I pray that she is happy and 

healthy and knows deep down that her son is loved.

I pray she doesn't worry about him.

I also pray that she somehow learns about God's love 

which is a love that surpasses any earthly motherly love any of us can give.

God loves me sooo much more than I can even grasp.  

He loves all three of my children more than I could ever understand.

Todd gave me this necklace for Mother's Day last year.  He wanted to order a "Z" to add Zaine's initial to the necklace but he couldn't remember the place on Etsy where he got it... so he designed his own crafty "Z" out of paper.  The actual "Z" charm has now been ordered.  I like his creativity though!

My little loves after Mother's Day lunch.

 

The waiting is hard...

We are waiting and waiting and waiting...

So many people have asked recently "when do you get to go get Zaine" 

so I figured I should explain a bit about where we are in the process...

We received our I600 approval - this states that we have 

"provisional approval" from the USA to adopt Zaine.

They must complete their investigation of his story and paperwork before 

they will send our approval to the VISA office so they can issue his visa.

He needs a VISA to exit the country, so we kinda half to wait on that important piece.

I wrote a post a few months ago about the investigation...

The investigation is great overall - this will ensure higher quality of adoptions from the DRC and keep ethics at the forefront of each adoption.  That's all wonderful and we applaud the investigations but it's caused a slow down and backup with the adoptions in the DRC.  Thus, we wait...

Some days I wait well and other days I simply don't.

My baby boy is half a world away and I ache so bad to hold him.

We were blessed to have 2 biological children and that 9 months 

seemed like eternity until I got to hold my precious babies

but...

 I didn't get to see glimpses of their personalities along the way, 

hear from other families who got to hold my baby and take pictures of him, 

see another momma so graciously raising my child,

wonder what he was eating and how he was sleeping,

etc etc etc.

That's what makes this journey so difficult. 

Some days I remember so well that Zaine is in God's hands 

and He's looking after him right now while I can't.  

God knows what Zaine ate for each meal today, 

how many hairs are on his head,

what he thinks about when he sees our pictures,

how he slept last night,

if he's sick or not, 

and yes, the list could go on and on.

God's got it - He knows and He cares.

Other days I tend to get in a funk and focus on what I'm missing with Zaine and my worries.

I worry about his health and nutrition and growth.

I worry about whether he is rocked to sleep when he's sad,

patted when he's crying,

and whether he smiles when he's happy.

It breaks this momma's heart to hear my almost 5 year old daughter, Addison, 

pray for us to be able to get him home by her birthday because that's her birthday wish.

A little tear always escapes when she daily talks about how she's going to play with both her brothers.

Sometimes she's scheming ways to keep her brothers out of her Polly Pockets and My Little Ponies and other times she's planning what she'll play with them at the park, in the pool, in the backyard, and in the playroom.

Her dreaming is good for my heart - it makes it seem real.  

Zaine is coming home...

but right now - we pray, dream and wait.

I stare at Zaine's pictures all the time and pray for my little boy.

This adoption has strengthened my prayer life like no other!

This is hard - I'm not gonna lie!  

I'm not a crier generally but most days right now the words 

"bring him home" send me into a puddle of tears.

A verse that hit me a few days ago in my reading is Psalm 94:19

"In the multitude of my anxious thoughts within me, Your comforts cheer and delight my soul!"

Let's just presume that I might have a little anxiousness in my heart some days...  

I will continue to cling to God's comforts and let Him cheer and delight my soul.

He's good... ALL THE TIME (even when it's not my timing)!

 

Garage Sale = Smashing Success

I would consider the garage sale a smashing success yet again!

We had over 25 generous families donate their junk treasures to us.

Our house began to look (and smell) like Goodwill - no kidding!

I priced so many items that I began dreaming about round sticky price tags.

People tracked down numerous tables for us to use.

Neighbors and friends baked yummy treats for us to sell.

and that was all before the sale began...

We hosted the garage sale Thursday - Saturday from 7:30 until 5:00 each day.

Exhausted, but very blessed, doesn't even begin to describe it!

We had no idea how we would do after doing so well in the fall (we made $2,400 in September).

Let me recount the blessings of those days...

•  My favorite part of the sale was hearing other people's adoption stories.  So many people came just because our sign and ad mentioned the sale was for an adoption cause.  Adoption is a tie that binds hearts together.
•  Several young children came to donate their coins and dollar bills - such sweet and soft hearts.
• My mother baked tons of Africa cookies for us to sell and babysat Xavier for us each day.  What a blessing!
• Friends brought Starbucks and lunch to help sustain us throughout the days.
• Friends came to visit, donate and hang out with us - their support means the world to us!
• A friend came to help run the sale on Thursday - not sure what we would have done without her help!
• Soooo many generous people gave donations - not the norm for garage sales!
• My favorite special story happened after the sale on Thursday evening...  We had finally packed everything back up and gone inside to collapse from exhaustion when the doorbell rang.  Todd answered the door for a man who said, "I really wanted to get to your sale but missed it due to work.  Here's something for your adoption."  He proceeded to hand Todd a $100 bill.  Humbled doesn't begin to describe it!  He went on to explain that adoption is close to his heart because their adoption through the county system will be final on May 10th for their little boy.  Fun fact:  we will be at the same court on May 10th with some friends to celebrate their adoption being final at the exact time this man and his family will be there to finalize their adoption.  God works in mysterious ways!   

Now for what everyone is really waiting to hear... 

We were blessed with raising right at $3,500 over those 3 days.  

I cannot explain to you the blessing that money is to Todd and I as we look towards travel plans to get Zaine.  Sure, that money is so helpful but I find the support of our friends, the connection with random people via adoption, and getting to share with people why we wanted to adopt an even greater blessing from those 3 days.

 

Here are a few pictures of the event.  I was not able to get pictures of the sale once everything was out because we had tons of people show up early so here are a few I snapped about halfway through us carrying everything out (at 5 AM)...

 

 

 

Giving brother a kiss!

and now a hug...

 

 

Recent Happenings...

Life has been hopping around here so I'll do a quick update 

and hopefully update on some other things later this week...

1.  We received our I600 approval (from USCIS) on April 8.  YAY!!!

They have now forwarded our info to Kinshasa (city where 

Zaine is from in the DRC) and we have begun our 3-6 month wait until travel.  

I've struggled with this 3-6 months wait...  

I've done relatively well waiting on things up until this point.  

I'm ready to get my son NOW!   

I ache to hold him and see him interacting with our family.

I've been praying for God to move mountains -

Matthews 17:20 says
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

2.  I've started purchasing a few things for Zaine.  

I picked up some matching pjs for Zaine and Xavier

 (in different sizes of course) the other day 

and it made my mommy heart smile a little bit.  

I also picked up a pair of swim trunks for him since we

 practically live at Mimi and Pop Pop's pool in the summer.

3.  Our house looks like the local Goodwill store right now.  We have had over 25 generous families donate things towards our garage sale.  Please pray for good weather this Thursday-Saturday.  We have SOOOO much stuff and we're praying this makes a little dent in the money needed to finish up this adoption.  Can't wait to post pictures of the sale and cool "God stories".

4.  Addison had a dream a few nights ago that Zaine came home.  

She loves him so much already and cannot wait to have him home. 

Let's hope that dream comes true real soon!

Running for Zaine

We started our Saturday morning by running in a 5K to support Project Congo.

Ok, well... Todd ran and I walked while pushing the double jogging stroller.  

Project Congo is a project in our home town that has

focused effort in Eastern Congo to help women and children. 

This was a fun activity and gave us a way to support Zaine

 and his country while we're waiting. 

We had some friends who joined us to run in the 5K also.

Thankful for so many family and friends who love our boy already!

a little complaining...

So...  

I have been in a funk this week.

I shouldn't be.  

We filed our I600 last week. YAY!

We actually even received our Act of Adoption this week - yes, very fast!

I should be so excited about how quickly things have been moving.

We have an INCREDIBLE attorney!

We are using an unbelievably awesome facilitator/agency!

Everything has been, honestly... perfect thus far.

But - now we wait on the good ol' USA.  

Don't get me wrong...  I love our country and feel very blessed

 to live here but right now, I'm frustrated.   

Our lawyer has worked herself silly in the DRC getting all of our 

paperwork with the required crazy number of signatures, 

getting everything to court, etc etc etc. 

She has accomplished so much in the past 2 months.

So now we wait for our I600 approval which typically takes 3-5 weeks. 

Then we begin the long wait of 3-6 months for the embassy to do their investigation.

I've had several pity parties this week when looking at the calendar.

If things hadn't changed with the investigations, 

we would be in the DRC right now filing our I600 and then returning 

in 3-5 weeks to bring Zaine home.  

Instead, we will begin our 3-6 month wait when we should be bringing him home.

This is HARD!!!! 

We knew the adoption journey wouldn't be easy.  

We knew it would be stretching.  

We knew we would grow and learn to rely on God in a whole new way.  

We knew our hearts would yearn for our child...

We didn't know how much though. 

I would do just about anything to have Zaine in our arms right now.

Every day I think about the things we're missing with him.  

It's crazy how much I already love that kid!

I had TERRIBLE pregnancies with both Addison and Xavier - hyperemesis at its finest.

Puked 15-20+ times a day for 9 months, hospitalized a crazy number of times for each pregnancy, had more ivs in my arms/hands than I could count, did at home ivs, and just kept puking until they were born... and then I was perfectly fine.  

I honestly hated being pregnant and I want to hit them square between the eyes smile politely at the lovely ladies who just love being pregnant.

Don't get me wrong, I feel very blessed to have been able to have 2 biological children.  

I was able to experience that and I'm thankful (now that I know I won't be pregnant again).  

I feel like I'm pregnant again - no, my head isn't hanging over toilets and buckets 

but I find myself living for the end.  

I'm trying my darnedest to live in the now and enjoy life but there is a little part of my brain and heart that is living for the day when I get to grab Zaine and hold him so tight.  

I thought the other day, "when I finally get to hold him, I may not put him down for daaaays."

It's just been a hard week of celebrating big strides in paperwork but realizing with the new changes that we would have been so close but yet...  we've still got quite a wait in front of us.  

You can be praying that we continue to "wait well."  

Waiting well has been my goal from the beginning of this adoption.  

When we were just beginning our adoption I heard someone tell 

another adoptive momma that "they had waited well in Him".  

I'm not sure I've "waited well" this week...

Glad His mercies are new every morning!

The papers say he is ours!

We received all of Zaine's court documents last week and once 

they were translated I was able to devour every last word of them.

I'm not going to share his story because that is his story to share someday. 

Let's just say there were a few tears shed as I read about his little life thus far.

We're going to work our hardest to verify his story, find more pieces of his story 

and document our visits when we're in the DRC so we can give him as 

much information as possible about his life in Congo.

My heart hurt as I read the paperwork because so much of his little life is left unanswered...

He didn't have a name until the orphanage director gave him one.

He didn't have a birthday until we assigned him a special day.

He doesn't have parents listed on his birth certificate.

The list goes on and on...

Well, Zaine Safari, the list of questions stop now!  

You now have a name that means something quite special.

You now have a birthday that we'll celebrate together and lots of other cool adoption days we'll celebrate each year as we remember bringing you into our family.

You now have a Mommy and Daddy who love you SO much.

You now have a sister and brother who can't wait to meet you and grow up alongside of you.

We won't be able to fill in most of the blanks and answer lots of questions

 about what happened in the first few months of your life.  

We pray that the love you come to know from our family and 

God's love will far outweigh those concerns and questions one day.

As emotional as it was to read through all of the paperwork, 

I chose to focus on a few lines that made my heart smile...  

"...this pronounces the adoption of the child Safari by the petitioners, Mr. Todd Andrew Kocher and Mrs. Kristen Marie Kocher, of American nationality." 

and

"the child Safari will now be called Safari Kocher"

He's ours!!!

 
Through all of the emptiness and loneliness in the paperwork, there is hope.

Just like the emptiness in our lives before Christ gives us a hope of new life with Him.

 

Big Steps

We received all of our court documents (including PV, consent, bc judgment, court judgment, his birth certificate and our CONA docs) in French on Monday.

They were sent to the translator Monday afternoon.

I received the translations back Tuesday around noon.

WOW!!!

That meant I had to kick it in high gear and get everything ready 

and filled out so we could send our I600 to USCIS.   

I made myself focus on getting everything printed, filled out, signed, etc so I could make it to the post office before it closed.  I SO badly wanted to sit and devour every last word on these papers so I could learn more about our son.

I made it to the PO with 20 minutes to spare (after we ran out of printer paper and we had to make a quick trip to Mimi and Pop Pop's house to steal some more paper - yes, that was easier, quicker, more fun than a trip to Walmart).  

Our I600 was overnighted and received the following morning.  

YAY!  

Now we wait some more...

Speaking of waiting - someone posted this quote on our private DRC facebook prayer group...

Joseph waited 13 years.

Abraham waited 25 years.

Moses waited 40 years.

Jesus waited 30 years.

If God is making you wait,

you're in good company.

Waiting is not easy and I'm learning LOTS about reliance on God through this process.  I'm thinking I need to go dig a little deeper into the story of Joseph, Abraham and Moses right now.

 

Gifts and Garage Sale

Exciting News:

We got Zaine's birth certificate today!!!

This is what we needed in order to file our I600. 

All of our Congo court documents have been sent to the translator and

as soon as we get those translations back, we can file our immigration paperwork. 

Fun Gifts:

My husband knew that a small portion (ok, sometimes a large portion of my heart) is in Africa right now so he took that into account when he bought my Christmas gifts this year.

He had these car magnets designed for my car - 

I LOVE them!!!

A sweet friend got me a special necklace for my bday - I haven't taken a picture yet but will have to post one soon.  It's so special - it's an outline of Africa with a heart where the DRC is and Zaine's name engraved on it.  It allows me to have a piece of Zaine with me throughout my days...  Super thoughtful of her!  Thank you Kristin!

Garage Sale:

We're planning to have our second (and final) fundraiser garage sale sometime around the second weekend of April (assuming the weather is good).  If you have any donations for us, please let me know and I'll set up a pick-up time where we'll come get it all from you.  We had an incredibly successful garage sale in the fall ($2,400) and we're hoping for another good event.  Thank you to everyone who has already donated stuff for the sale!  We couldn't do this without all the support!

Disney Vacation and Celebration

Thanks to Disney Visa rewards points and a very generous Aunt and Uncle who live in Orlando, we were able to take an 11 day vacation and spend 4 days at Disney parks with a few beach days and relaxation days thrown in.

I told myself before we left that I was going to set the adoption aside in my brain and wholly focus on our family and the 2 children that were present with me.  I think I did a fairly good job at this but I definitely had moments throughout each day when I was aching for Zaine to be with us.  

I so badly wanted to see him having fun in the stroller with his brother and sister...

 getting excited when he saw Mickey like Xavier was...

running around the water splash pads and squealing with his siblings...

riding rides with big smiles...

being a wild man at the beach with his brother...

the list could go on and on and on of all the times I yearned in my heart for him to be with us. 

I instead tried to focus on the fun now and look forward to the fun when we get to return with Zaine in tow in the future.  (We may have to take Mimi and Pop Pop as back-up help when we've got three of them at Disney).

Our CONA (consent of non appeal) waiting period was up on Feb. 26 which means we became a family of 5 that day!  Zaine is officially ours in the DRC.  We celebrated at Magic Kingdom with Mickey!  Finishing CONA was a bittersweet feeling in my heart...  don't get me wrong, we were OVERJOYED that Zaine is officially ours and we get the privilege of being his Mommy and Daddy.  But it also means that he was an orphan - circumstances in his life led to the fact that he needed a Mommy and Daddy.  He's been through a lot in his little life - things we cannot comprehend.  We're excited to have him be a part of our family and cannot wait to have him in our arms.

Lots of people have been excited for us thinking we get to travel soon...  oh how I wish that was true.  We have almost finished with everything on the Congo side of things (just waiting on a few papers) so now we begin the process with the USA/immigration side of things.  This is where the gray hair wait comes.  You can be praying that we keep moving at lightning speed but it will most likely be late summer before Zaine is home with us. 

Here are some fun adventures of our trip:

Chef Mickey breakfast

                                    This one makes me laugh - this was Xavier's first time with a character...                                            He actually LOVED them after this one time of crying.

They each got to pick out a stuffed animal at Downtown Disney - of course we had to pick one out for Zaine too.

Mickey was excited to hear about Zaine...  with our Waiting for you sign.

We enjoyed the Harambe part of Animal Kingdom and thought a lot about Zaine here.

Pretty sure he still has sand in his ears!

We celebrated the end of our CONA waiting period for Zaine on Feb. 26 at Magic Kingdom.  Zaine is officially ours!!!

Poor kid fell asleep any old way!

Xavier loved Jasmine's outfit and couldn't keep his hands off her!

Mickey helped us celebrate that we were officially a family of 5!

Several Disney employees saw our sign and insisted that we go to guest services and get "I'm celebrating" buttons to celebrate the occasion.