My Timing vs God's Timing

I'm not going to pretend and I'm not going to lie... 

Waiting without news on our little guy is just straight up HARD!

I am S.T.RUGGLIN'!

He was supposed to be home to enjoy the summer with our family.

He was supposed to experience so many summer "firsts" alongside Xavier.

We were supposed to have time together as a family before Addison started Kindergarten.

The list goes on and on in my mind...

But this list is my time frame - it's what Kristen thinks is best.

God's got a different time frame in mind and it's the most absolutely perfect plan.

I don't know what it is and there are days that I don't like it.

But I know in my head (and often remind my heart) that it's His perfect plan.

God's got this! 

 This isn't too big for Him - He can move mountains.  

Yes, the embassy investigation often feels like a mountain to me, but it's nothing to God.

I'm often reminded that God's using this time to mold us, shape us, 

teach us and prepare us for what He has in store for us.  

I will admit, I'm not always the best student - 

I think I probably whine some a lot.

2 things I do know:

1.  If the adoption process had kept moving so quickly and Zaine would have come home in April like expected, I wouldn't have learned nearly as much as God wanted me to glean through this process.  I've learned raw reliance on Him through this process - I have ZERO control of anything.  I have a child on the other side of the world and I see pictures of him every few months.  That's it - I don't know anything about him.  I have to fully depend on God to give Zaine an overwhelming peace.  I have to trust that he has food to eat, clothes to wear, hands to hold him and love on him and that he's healthy and not sick.  Hard things to trust God on when he's living in the poorest country in the world.  

I've learned a LOT about hitting my knees in prayer.  If he had come home in April, I wouldn't have learned this whole different level of trusting God and bathing our process, Zaine and other adoptive families in prayer each day.

2.  If Zaine had come home in April, money wouldn't have been such an issue.  Like I've mentioned before, Todd and I definitely didn't have $35,000 sitting around but we had saved, friends and family have given, we've fund raised in small ways and God has provided to make this happen.  Todd works for an air force base and was hit by the furlough recently.  He was off ever Friday (yay for 3 day weekends but boo for not getting paid).  Early on in the process I had mentioned that I felt very blessed that we didn't have to raise all the funds for this adoption but that it was neat to watch God provide for families who had to completely rely on God's provision to get through an international adoption.  Well, my friends... when you take away a percentage of Todd's salary and add more costs to the adoption process (more foster care payments and other fees that get added on) - we learned a different level of trust and reliance on God.  He saw us through that time and thankfully the government is back to work full time.

God's working in us and teaching us lots along this journey.  Sure, we wish Zaine had been in our arms months ago but I wouldn't trade any of this process for what God has been teaching us through it.  God's got a plan and it's His perfect plan to give us a future and a hope!  He's going to keep walking with us through this journey side by side.  The waiting is hard and tears come readily these days (just ask the manager of Old Navy when I had to return some summer clothes we had bought for Zaine in April that now won't fit him) but then I take some quiet time with Lord and am reminded of His grace and faithfulness.  We're growing in Him and that my been a part of my prayer from the beginning of this process.  It's hard and it's painful but I'm closer to my Jesus because of it!

A little Birthday Celebration

We celebrated Zaine's birthday last week.

We do not know his true birthday.

We were able to choose his birthday within the month we were given.

When we received his referral in December, 

I never dreamed he wouldn't be home to celebrate his 1st birthday with us.

Not gonna lie, celebrating his 1st birthday without him here was h.a.r.d.

 I kinda wanted to curl up in a ball and cry but instead I decided we'd party.

I made a big Congolese meal for dinner and my family joined us to celebrate Zaine.

Akara Awon - Black-eyed pea fritters with okra

Mwambe Beef

Plantains

Had to buy some Fanta to drink.

Fufu - this is commonly used to soak up the juices from the plate.  We kinda thought it tasted similar to wall paper paste....

Mimi, my mom, made a lion cake for Zaine. 

We bought some gifts for Zaine:  

The monkey in the far left of the picture is a special gift we bought for him.  There is an organization that supports different causes each week (Sevenly) with each purchase and the week I bought Zaine's monkey was focused on feeding children in Congo.  

The rest of the toys we bought to take with us and donate to his old orphanage.

My parents also missed my brother's birthday when they were adopting him.

They chose to wait until he was home to have a small family party with a special cake and a few presents once they knew what he was going to like.  They have insisted they will have a small party for Zaine when he's home so we can celebrate with him and watch him enjoy his cake and gifts.

We received a special book in the mail from another adoptive momma who completely understands missing your little boys birthday.  Lindsey, this book is so very special and will always be cherished.

Another friend got Zaine this shirt to wear home to his airport celebration.  I was trying to think of something special he could wear when we brought him home but this cuteness far surpassed any ideas I had.  Thanks Beth - can't wait for you to see him in it!

It was a rough day but we got through it.  

Zaine, you're one loved little boy and many friends and 

family made your first birthday very special.  

Oh, and by the way Zaine... you're gonna have one crazy 

2nd bday party to make up for lost 

time!

You'd be amazed at what you can cram into a ziploc baggie!

While the days and months pass as we wait for Zaine, we're SO incredibly thankful for adoptive friends who have taken care packages to Zaine for us when they travel to visit or bring their children home.

Here are the latest two gifts we've sent his way...

Ziploc #1:
laminated pictures of our family, 2 little books, 
sock monkey, toy phone, yogurt melts and 2 outfits

Ziploc #2:
outfit, shoes, toothbrush and toothpaste, toy car, more yogurt melts, 2 little books, 1st Birthday card, a picture with cut-outs of each of us (including him) and his language explaining how we are all a family.  I was also able to include another little gift and thank you note for his foster momma.

***  I cannot upload pictures of Ziploc #2 because his picture was included and we can't share his sweet face publicly until he's on USA soil.

You know you're adopting internationally when...

* You daily check your VISA application status online.

* You don't mind an early alarm clock blaring

because it means you can check your phone for any updates on your case.

* You have conference calls late at night with your agency director.

* You keep reading any and all paperwork you have about your 

child hoping to find something new about them each time.

* Your knees are wearing out from the hours of prayer time spent 

for your child and their friends who are also being adopted. 

* You stalk the mailman like it's your job.

* The guy at the PO knows you as "the crazy lady who runs 

in to mail something like her life depends on it."

* You forget about "real world" Facebook and only live on the adoption fb pages.

* You constantly think "I could adopt 2 more children for that price", etc.

* You live for update weeks when you get new pictures and info about your child.

* You feel like people you've never met become your 

best friends because you're walking this same crazy journey together.

* You are always dreaming about a child that you love so much but you've never met.

 

 

6909.51 miles

...that's the distance between us and our little boy.

And I'm feeling ever mile of that distance today.

Praying we get to meet him and hold him in our arms soon.  

My heart aches so badly that he's not physically with us.  

We're stuck on the USA side of things (like all other Congo families) and have been since April 15 - please pray the USA gets things moving soon and starts issuing visas.

My prayer is to have my boy in our arms by his first birthday which is July 27.  

To be honest, I'm loosing hope of that happening as each day passes.

Prayer warriors - feel free to join us in praying he's in our arms by July 27.

Something to help pass the time

We have a list of things "to-do" to get ready for Zaine and  traveling.

Some of those things aren't real fun but other things are...

One of the things on the list was for Addison and Xavier to make a Build-a-Bear for Zaine.  

Addison made a bear for Xavier when I was pregnant so she could bring it to the hospital after he was born.  She had the same idea for Zaine except she plans to bring it to the airport when we come home.  So off we went to Build-a-Bear to make something special for Zaine!

Addison put her heart and soul into making his bear!

Had to dress him like Spiderman since it matches Zaine's bedroom.

Can't wait for their brother to come home!

 

Zaine's blanket

We received a package in the mail on Saturday that was so very special.

As I opened a large envelope, my mind was trying to 

think what I had ordered that would be the size of this package...  

When I finally got it opened, I saw a beautiful hand made blanket.  

As I read the card, the tears started flowing.  

This is what a portion of the card read...

"I've been joyfully inspired by your family's adoption story.  

I made a prayer blanket for the newest member.  

The knots are made up of prayers for his and your life together as a family." 

And the tears kept flowing...

This arrived in the mail at such the perfect time.  

The waiting gets harder each day.

Some days I distance myself and my mind from the adoption and from Zaine and the fact that he's halfway across the world from us because it doesn't seem real and it's hard.  Real. hard.

This made it seem real.  

This reminded me that in those difficult days when it seems like I'll never have my whole family under one roof, it's real. 

And with prayer and in God's timing we will be together as a family of five.

 Knowing Zaine, our family and this waiting is being covered in prayer by others is such a blessing!  What a beautiful reminder we will have of God's faithfulness through this blanket.

Thank you Chrissi!