I'm not going to pretend and I'm not going to lie...
Waiting without news on our little guy is just straight up HARD!
I am S.T.RUGGLIN'!
He was supposed to be home to enjoy the summer with our family.
He was supposed to experience so many summer "firsts" alongside Xavier.
We were supposed to have time together as a family before Addison started Kindergarten.
The list goes on and on in my mind...
But this list is my time frame - it's what Kristen thinks is best.
God's got a different time frame in mind and it's the most absolutely perfect plan.
I don't know what it is and there are days that I don't like it.
But I know in my head (and often remind my heart) that it's His perfect plan.
God's got this!
This isn't too big for Him - He can move mountains.
Yes, the embassy investigation often feels like a mountain to me, but it's nothing to God.
I'm often reminded that God's using this time to mold us, shape us,
teach us and prepare us for what He has in store for us.
I will admit, I'm not always the best student -
I think I probably whine some a lot.
2 things I do know:
1. If the adoption process had kept moving so quickly and Zaine would have come home in April like expected, I wouldn't have learned nearly as much as God wanted me to glean through this process. I've learned raw reliance on Him through this process - I have ZERO control of anything. I have a child on the other side of the world and I see pictures of him every few months. That's it - I don't know anything about him. I have to fully depend on God to give Zaine an overwhelming peace. I have to trust that he has food to eat, clothes to wear, hands to hold him and love on him and that he's healthy and not sick. Hard things to trust God on when he's living in the poorest country in the world.
I've learned a LOT about hitting my knees in prayer. If he had come home in April, I wouldn't have learned this whole different level of trusting God and bathing our process, Zaine and other adoptive families in prayer each day.
2. If Zaine had come home in April, money wouldn't have been such an issue. Like I've mentioned before, Todd and I definitely didn't have $35,000 sitting around but we had saved, friends and family have given, we've fund raised in small ways and God has provided to make this happen. Todd works for an air force base and was hit by the furlough recently. He was off ever Friday (yay for 3 day weekends but boo for not getting paid). Early on in the process I had mentioned that I felt very blessed that we didn't have to raise all the funds for this adoption but that it was neat to watch God provide for families who had to completely rely on God's provision to get through an international adoption. Well, my friends... when you take away a percentage of Todd's salary and add more costs to the adoption process (more foster care payments and other fees that get added on) - we learned a different level of trust and reliance on God. He saw us through that time and thankfully the government is back to work full time.
God's working in us and teaching us lots along this journey. Sure, we wish Zaine had been in our arms months ago but I wouldn't trade any of this process for what God has been teaching us through it. God's got a plan and it's His perfect plan to give us a future and a hope! He's going to keep walking with us through this journey side by side. The waiting is hard and tears come readily these days (just ask the manager of Old Navy when I had to return some summer clothes we had bought for Zaine in April that now won't fit him) but then I take some quiet time with Lord and am reminded of His grace and faithfulness. We're growing in Him and that my been a part of my prayer from the beginning of this process. It's hard and it's painful but I'm closer to my Jesus because of it!
